come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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