No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
