Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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