I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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