Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
