I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
