Everything about him screamed your future.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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