Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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