And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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