Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Bring me that man meat
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
