I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
