He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
