Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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