I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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