you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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