My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
