No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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