i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
