As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
