grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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