Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
