I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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