i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
