I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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