Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
