he told me I talked like a deaf person
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
