I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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