"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
