Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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