He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
