I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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