I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
you never un-have a 4some
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
