Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
