We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
