Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
