I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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