people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
