A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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