Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
