chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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