Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
