I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
