Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
