I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
