I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
