i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
