youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
