ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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