Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
