I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
