turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
