STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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