wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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