I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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