If that was your dad, he is hot
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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