How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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