I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
