apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
