so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think a kid would responsible me up
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
