duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
there is puke in my bra ... again
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