Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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