no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
