that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
