I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
