i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
