In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
