After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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