does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
