i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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