so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
