She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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