Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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