It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
