wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
