He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize