I am in a vortex of obligation.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
