Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
