he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
